Finding Herself
by Falling Suicide
Summary: Usagi is betrayed by Mamoru (not the scouts) Sesshoumaru has been trying to reach her, and finally does, in time to save her after the final battle with Chaos...better than it sounds....RR....NO FLAMES!


`Have writer's block. Can't think of anything fior my old stories, but keep coming up with new ones. This will have 11, possibly more chapters. They will all be songfics based on Evanescense's album Fallen. Flame me if you want. I've only gotten a few reviews that actually hurt my feelings, but I will not mention names due to common curtesy. Other than that, all the flames I've gotten have actually helped me. This is a betrayal. Slow, turtoring, lingering deaths and pain.  
  
Going Under  
  
"How could you do this to me!" Usagi screamed, tears streaming down her face. Her fists were clenched tightly and blood falling to the ground, mixing with the tears and rain. Her palms bloody from her fingernails digging in, a slow gash sluggishly bleeding from her temple when she fell. Usagi stood in Mamoru's doorway, watching as the red-head standing behind Mamoru tried to slowly inch out of the room. She let her go. Her normally white aura was turning silver, flashing with black. She couldn't believe this. He had betrayed her.  
  
Now I will tell you  
  
what I've done for you  
  
"How could you!" She screamed again. "After I risked my life to save you, after I brought you back!" she continued to scream. Then, quietly, she said "After all the times we've spent together and everything you've done for me."   
  
50 thousand tears I've cried  
  
She stood there, just inside the rain, crying until she felt she had cried herself dry, yet the tears kept coming.  
  
Screaming, decieving, and bleeding for you.  
  
A lone figure with long silver hair watched the whole thing happening through a mirror leaning against a wall. The person watched her scream, cry, and watched the light go out of her beautiful cereulean eyes.  
  
Don't want your hand,  
  
this time I'll save myself  
  
Mamoru held out his hand to her, saying he was sorry, he didn't know what he was doing, but Usagi saw through the act he put up, and obviously had many times before. She looking at his hand, and slowly stood up from where she had fallen. She looked at his hand, at his face, and at the door where that other girl had left just moments before. Then, she turned and left. *No more Mamoru to lean on, time for this bunny to make it on her own* she thought as she walked out the door and took one last glance inside before it slammed shut on its own accord.  
  
Maybe I'll wake up this time  
  
Not tormented daily defeated by you  
  
Usagi woke up with a start. She had been plagued by that dream for weeks, ever since it had happened. Every day, she thought about how she had lost who she thought was her soul mate.   
  
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom,   
  
I'm dying again  
  
She kept reliving it, and she died and shriveled inside each time. When she thought she couldn't possibly hurt any more inside, she did. "Why did this happen to me?" she wondered aloud, about to break down in tears again.  
  
I'm going under  
  
drowning in you  
  
I'm falling forever,  
  
I've got to break through  
  
I'm going under  
  
The silver-haired figure stood back and watched Usagi through their mirror. They watched her silence all the time, where ever she went, drowning in her misery and sorrow, regretting that they couldn't help her. . . . . . yet. (When they're watching her wherever she goes, they're not like watching her in the shower or anything perverted, just to tell some of you sick-minded people.)   
  
Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies  
  
so I don't know what's real and what's not  
  
Usagi had seen a silver-haired stranger in the dream this time. She couldn't tell if it was girl or boy, from her past or present or future, or if she knew them at all. All she knew was that there was a cascade of silver hair, glowing. She began wondering about that a little, and it took her mind off the pain. For a while at least.  
  
Always confusing the thoughts in my head  
  
so I can't trust myself anymore  
  
I'm dying again  
  
She kept her cover, did all her schoolwork, and started getting good grades without even realizing what she was doing. Her thoughts were always dwelling on Mamoru, wondering if she should forgive him and if the same thing would happen again.  
  
I'm going under  
  
drowning in you  
  
I'm falling forever  
  
I've got to break through  
  
*I can't take it anymore* Usagi thought. *I just don't know what I should do. * Then she made up her mind. No matter how much it would hurt her, she knew what she had to do to get on with her life.   
  
As she walked up to Mamoru's apartment, she remembered what had happened last time she was there.  
  
So go on and scream, scream at me  
  
I'm so far away  
  
I won't be broken again  
  
I've got to breath  
  
I can't keep going under  
  
As she knocked on the door, she thought about her decision again. Then, Mamoru opened the door.  
  
"Usako, what are you doing here?"  
  
"I came to see you. Can we go inside and talk for a minute?"  
  
"Uhh. . . Now's not really a good time. Could you come back later?" he asked.  
  
"No. I need to talk to you now. It's about the fut-" she was cut off by another voice.  
  
"Mamoru? Who is it? Come on back inside." Usagi got just a glimpse of red hair before Mamoru pushed her outside and quickly followed. "Hold on a minute!" he yelled before shutting the door.  
  
Tears started to well up in her eyes before she fought them back.  
  
"Mamoru, what I wanted to tell you was that. . . I don't think we should see eachother anymore." she said in a quiet nervous way.  
  
Mamoru's eyes filled with rage. She hadn't thought he'd be angry since he was the one that was cheating, and they had already sort of informally broke up. But she was wrong.  
  
"What do you mean!" he screamed. "What about Crystal Tokyo, and Chibi-Usa (low blow), and I'm, I mean we're, supposed to rule Earth!" He continued to scream. But she wasn't there to hear the rest. She had already run away, leaving him screaming there at thin air. *He was just a selfish bastard.* she thought to herself.   
  
I'm dying again  
  
I'm going under  
  
drowning in you  
  
I'm falling forever  
  
I've got to break through   
  
I'm goiung under  
  
going under  
  
I'm going under  
  
And still, the silver haired figure was watching. 'Don't worry Usa, I'll get you. I'll save you from this.' they thought silently to themselves.  
  
"Master. . . " something questioned as the person abruptly turned around after throwing an old cloth over the mirror.  
  
________________________________________________________________________  
  
Done, I'll try to make the next chapter a little easier to follow. Obviously it's a crossover , since I don't write straight SM or BSSM or whatever different people call it. I'm trying to get some good grades, get into highschool (Boston Arts Academy, they have excellent writing programs and vocal programs), survive my parents, teachers, brothers (two little brothers, I think they're sort of like Vash. . . Humanoid Typhoons), and everything else. It's choatic so don't mind me if you don't hear from me in a while. 


End file.
